Yay I am a happy girl because Onew is cured and will be back tomorrow on Music Core WOOHOO! :D Oh I have learnt so many cool abbreviations I never knew existed from Omona :P Love reading people's hilarious comments and saving their random reaction gifs!!!

FAM was way overrated & people were awfully rude going around taking photos during perfs and stuff. But oh well, it was a good experience I guess! NOW I feel like we have really graduated since FAM was the last school thing we're actually really involved in. And I slept til 4pm after coming back, didn't know I was that tired - I think I only slept like 1 hour or so at York Hotel. Seems like so much has happened in the past 24 hours.

Anyway, the holidays seem REALLY REALLY SHORT I used to think that we get super long hols after Sec Four but no, they look even shorter than usual D:

MY STUPID PHONE REFUSES TO SEND ANY SMSES. AGAIN. Ugh. Never gonna choose StarHub anymore.

Oh yeah before I forget, HCL O's are finally overrr :D Okay to be honest I don't feel all that liberated or happy or anything (don't feel much). It was pretty okay and the invigilator was amusing!

SPSB Handover/Formal Farewell/PSB Night yesterday after O's. It was a very.... sweaty PSB night. And well I thought I would feel sad and teary and stuff but the whole thing was surprisingly happy. Don't know if that's a good thing? Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, or that it sank in long ago, so I don't feel much at all... Nonetheless, these 2 years in PSB have certainly been meaningful and as cliched as this may sound, I've learnt and grown a lot through my experiences in PSB, and I've also had many super exciting fun experiences with PSB, Antennas, and SPSB <3 In my heart of hearts I think I know why I don't exactly feel sad, but I'm really thankful for everything that PSB has given me - the friends, experiences, lessons... and I wish PSB'10 ALL THE BEST for their journey ahead (:

We had Guides farewell today and attendance was like HORRIBLE but oh well, the juniors were really cute and I do kind of miss them but most of all I miss batchies and it was great just slacking around and talking and stuff, I like that feeling :DD

Sigh Farewell Assembly is over and pretty much everything is over, the last few days of school could really afford to be more exciting and less anti-climatic, really :/ Will miss RGS, and I think these memories will stay with me for a long, long time. Am not looking forward to JC much. AND I HAVE TO DECIDE MY SUBJECT COMBINATION (UGH x 123098320498).

OH AND BECAUSE OF OMONA 'S POST I NOW REALLY LIKE ERIC BENET'S CRACKS OF MY BROKEN HEART <3 (or rather, </3)

These few days have been nothing short of great; I feel oddly productive because I finished reading P.S. I Love You after kinda forgetting about it for a year, and watched JOONGBO WGM omg JoongBo is loveee <3 they are so cute together! Yes I am uber slow and outdated because all that was last year's stuff but it was so worth my time whoohoo (: I swear I have a renewed perspective on marriage after watching the show (well, maybe not exactly).

Love the song, by the way. (:

I don't know if ignorance is bliss,
or if it means delayed shock.

Oh my tian.

I am talking to Sandhya now and oh bloody hell I just realised that it's week 8.
And that I have been living in my own little happy bubble thinking that there's still loads of time left.

Well I jolly well burst that bubble and get back into reality.
And yes I WILL un-screw everything.

Now that the last & final (& worst, but dont really wanna talk about it) PT of my life is finally out of the way, I have got to work hard.

I spent lots of the weekend looking at photos and reading old blog entries and stuff like that.
Looking at the juniors, I think I kind of see myself, and us in them sometimes
Like how we used to laugh and play and hang out, and we were so happy but sometimes it's only when you watch from the sidelines that you realise how others might have felt hurt or left out.
What do you call that feeling - deja vu, but it's someone else and not you
I guess it's too late to apologise, but I hope that everything else after that made up for it?
We're past all that, I hope. I just thought that the story was long over but somehow it's surfacing again and I don't know if it should make me feel good or bad inside
It just doesn't seem right and the guilt is bugging me.

Anyway regarding Striping I guess I've really come to terms with it; I cried like shit for a while yesterday and yes I still do think about it but all's good. I'm not depressed or anything. I guess I'm just...scared? And this is not really about Guides anymore but just everything in general, sometimes past experiences still kind of haunt (okay too strong a word) me and I find it quite hard not to be affected by it.

Oh well. I missed the National Day Rally today and I bet I won't ever have time to watch it (I recorded it).

I don't know how to start at all.

Everything is moving too fast, too fast. I'm numb but crying; the bittersweetness of it all is seeping in slowly.

Four years, four years, and it all ends, just like that. I think I'm still in some sort of denial. I feel... I don't know, I don't know what I feel.

 

I wish the new COH and Batch '10 a fulfilling journey ahead, just as it has been for me. It's time to let go.

I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Second last Guides session today. But to be very honest, I don't feel much.

Every year, when Striping approaches, I'd be dreading it and feeling really down about seeing my seniors leave and fearing transfers... but this time, it doesn't feel like that big a deal, even though I know very well that this year's Striping is the biggest deal of all, because it's our final one. BUT WHY DO I NOT FEEL ANYTHING.

If anything, I feel disappointed about certain things, in myself, batch, juniors...but there are also some things to be proud of, and I know that, but the dark clouds are looming above and the rays of optimism just can't seem to get through to me.

And school is getting really tiresome these days. I don't know what to feel, really. I think I'm kind of numb to the whole routine already, that even such a big thing as Striping isn't having much effect on me.

Maybe when I start writing Striping notes, I'll start to feel something. Something I should feel two days before we leave this family that we've been attached to for what, 4 years? Close to that.

Until then... I shall remain unperturbed. And drink more water and eat more strepsils and gargle more salt water. My throat is getting better, thankfully, but my nose has now turned into a dormant volcano of mucus that's ready to erupt any time, and in fact, it's erupting ALL THE TIME so it's not that dormant after all D: ARGHHH. Thank you to all who donated tissue packets to me. I shall bring more tomorrow ><

Happy Birthday, Singapore.

This year's NDP was an improvement from the last (... or what's left of it in my memory). The terrorist attack thing actually shocked my mum. I youtubed some ND songs after that, and wow, to think I can actually remember the 1999 ND song! (And it isn't the kind they sing again and again at every NDP, like 'Home' or 'We Are Singapore') It's called 'Together'... Ah that was 10 freaking years ago. I feel freaking old. :/

I think I get less patriotic each year, but....I suppose I pass, at least! (:

Watched half of Sing Idol after that; why do I never see anyone I know? D<

Have I ever mentioned how much I like National Day celebrations? :)
And of course, the long weekend that comes with it.

ZOMG NO NO NO DBSK CANNOT BREAK UP!!!!! ): ): ): NO NO NO NO NO WAYYY

Okay I am going to give my anxiety a break here for a while to think about other happier things.

On a brighter note congrats to my dear PSLs who got into SPSB, you guys really deserve it and I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU ALL, SRSLY
Now I have an idea of what a mother feels watching her little kiddies grow and become big girls :D hahaha and JIAYOU ALL THE WAY K I'm sure you will do awesomezxzxzxz jobs as SPSLs, just because you, are you. Haha and Janne you were so hyper today, apparently you kept spasming during CFS huh! And SP is a great comm (:Chairs have also been announced to the school, and I hope they do a great job for PSB next year. DASY? Haha wonder what acronym they'll come up with!

Spent quite some time in school today for Geog RA PT filming...it felt extremely sweaty, haha. I think I share a different sense of humour from Joy but I guess it was pretty productive~

Can't wait to go back for Guides although Amanda says that Sec 4s aren't supposed to go back anymore but who cares, striping isn't even here yet, and I really don't want it to come.  I'll make use of Nat day to do up the presents and notes and stuff. I have this bad feeling about AA but sigh I don't really wanna think about it.

Why is no one on Earth choosing the same options as I!

This year's RHD Celebrations were... non-existent. The only activities were the giving out of free but not very appetizing ethnic food (I tried the orange sweet rice thing), the cruel waking of students from their much-needed morning slumber with cultural music, and the wearing of ethnic costumes! All thanks to H1N1.

Well, Jo Steph and I turned up intending to dress as Samsui women (though it's not exactly an ethnic group), but failed quite terribly, mainly because Steph and I didn't have hong tou jins ): Haha but IT WAS A GOOD (AND INTERESTING) EFFORT. If there's Be Yourself Day this year (though it seems unlikely), we shall brainstorm for more ingenious ideas, yay.

Anyway, I conclude that I am going to fail my qing jing zuo wen at the rate I'm going. I just finished my essay, and I simply don't see how it is remotely possible for me to think of a good idea for a story AND pen it down AND insert all sorts of xiu ci shou fa in it all within one freaking hour. IT. IS. JUST. NOT. POSSIBLE. And I almost wrote about a friend who was killed in front of me, and whose eyeball rolled onto my lap (it was mentioned during Lit), but obviously the eyeball part's too gory to be written ><

It also strikes me that we're going to graduate from RG in about 3-4 months' time. Maybe it's the recent discussions about FAM seating that make our graduation seem extremely near, sigh!

Also, online voting is quite weird D: But at least there isn't online striping, phew. I wonder when AA will be :/

WHY CAN'T I CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK.

alefkja;ra;olkfdm;alsoajf;oav e;fovps;vahfdffoa;erp'osdofij

The week has ended and I haven't exactly spent this week very wisely, although, I must say, school wouldn't have been better either :/

(GEOG PT BURN IN HELL)

I have been listening to Nothing Personal a bit too much :/

Since I was pretty bored yesterday, I did....yet another meme *slaps face*

But I have to admit, memes are fun to waste your time on :P
 

Oh and because the last question made me feel so inspired and stuff, I googled some quotes!
Here are those I liked.

 

"We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, 'Why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.”

“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.”

“Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.”

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

“Don't wait. The time will never be just right.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

Not that I'm unhappy about it, haha. But it'll be troublesome having to catch up after I go back to school next week. The only things I don't actually wanna miss are Lit and PE and the Geog PT consultation (but I can always email her, so that's not too big a problem). Okay but actually the whole thing is kind of stupid because apparently my sister's class' "confirmed case" wasn't even confirmed - the teacher made a mistake. So it may not be H1N1; Influenza A could very well be the normal flu that we get every now and then. My sister's fever has also subsided, so thanks all for the concern.

Lalala~ Isn't it surprisingly easy to embrace this LOA aka 1 week break with cheer and optimism? :) :) :)

I really hate wearing the mask though, it's like the water vapour you exhale freaking condenses back on your face. And if you stick out your tongue by accident it comes into contact with the mask eew. D:

Anyway, yesterday I was catching up on the DBSK MVs that I guiltily deprived myself of the past few months >< and finally downloaded their new album. Does anyone else think the Stand By U is slightly farcical??? HAHA. Oh but I kind of like Survivor... Some Korean bands need to get better names, srsly... 2ne1?! after school?! 1tym?! The songs may be nice but names like this kind of put me off sometimes xD

There is a confirmed case of H1N1 in my sister's class (207). And since my sister (and a whole bunch of her friends) are down with fever, she has gone to the hospital to check if she will be sleeping in and watching TV at home for the next week or so has contracted swine flu. Okay but honestly, unless school's suspended for everyone it really isn't fun to be quarantined on your own huh :/ But I guess I'm not that worried since H1N1 is just as big a deal as common flu, unless you have some chronic disease or something.

EDIT: Holy crap she does have H1N1. Okay fine it's not H1N1 it's Influenza A...

Went for Jo-Ann's church event yesterday, together with Steph and Anthea. I met Anne, Kim and Rain there too! Haha. It was pretty interesting, even though I'm not a Christian. I've only been in a church for like 3 times or so, and the previous two were quite long ago. The people in Jo's CG are really friendly, and worship was pretty great, even though I didn't exactly participate. I didn't know about Shze Hui, but now that I do, I'm really thankful that she's been able to overcome her fears and live on with such optimism and cheer - I suppose her Christian faith helped her very much too. Anyway the main part of yesterday's event was the talk about mission by Michael Frost, who, I must say, was a very good speaker. Again, since I am not follower of Christ, not everything he said was relevant to me. Nonetheless, there were definitely portions of it that I found very inspiring, and the stories he gave were pretty amazing examples too. I especially liked the comparison of one's ideal life to a Hollwood blockbuster, and how each person is a trailer of that movie, a whiff or taste of how that ideal life should be like. (I think I warped it a little 'cos there was something about God)

And of course, I was pretty glad that they didn't pressurize me to convert or anything, since I don't intend to. Yay :)

Finished my Lit essay yesterday too; there are so many Lit essays to do these days asdfghjkl;!!! Okay it's entirely unenjoyable, I actually like it, except that it gets extremely tedious after about the second or third paragraph. Aaaargh.