OMG I am such a freaking last minute ass can't stand myself :( and I've grown like super thick skin over the past few months la please.

Also, can the gazillion law firms I emailed PLEASE REPLY.............I really need a job please please please

Have been stuffing myself with chocolate lately why is that the house suddenly has an endless supply of chocolate

AND facebook auto-changed my profile to timeline wtf I hate timeline.

Sigh okay bad day bad day anyone knows how to go about writing a draft referral??? I have got to be the last one who hasn't managed to get it done damn

Yay good mood today :)

Internship ending in a week's time! Had our D&D on Friday, super fun :) I swear ours is the most hipzandhapz internship out there; 3 free buffets, chance to stalk the minister (and alert his bodyguards), flash mob in our bollywood saris - wow, what more can I ask for right. And fun aside, I really did learn a lot about the enterprise scene in Singapore. And even though at times I feel like what I'm doing hardly adds any value to what the other staff are doing, I'm still glad that I took up this opportunity to immerse myself in the working world for a while and gain some exposure on what these business people and the government are doing. And my team works sooo super hard, I wish them all the best when I leave since they don't seem to be doing well in terms of KPI. Poor things who OT everyday and send emails at 3am/5am/unearthly hours. Gonna miss walking to my seat everyday and seeing Gen (aka the only one who arrives on time) at her desk, getting surprised on Fruity Days, walks to JVC...

Will def miss the interns veryvery much too, they made this whole internship so enjoyable for me. Will miss our JVC lunches, freaking out over 2 march, discussing about our futures, practising for flashmob, trudging our way in a mess of pebbles from the 13th floor pantry to the 11th floor, surviving intense IDG and S&B meetings, camping at the hot desk area... ahh, memories.

One point to note though: Office life is freaking unhealthy. I mean one just degrades to some sedentary piece of shit in the office cos the only place you walk to is the pantry and toilet, but if you keep walking to those places it's damn paiseh please. Like declaring yourself a slacker. Gosh and we have to do this full-time in future T_T

Well, for now, last week already, and then I'll be free!!! :) I'll definitely not take up a job for the next month at least, and concentrate on slacking and rotting and decomposing. Okay haha well I'll have driving lessons for real, Nike 5K, (hopefully) get called for interviews for uni/scholarships and get our damn flea market stall going heh. YAY, sounds like quite enough for April. And I will continue to watch In Time With You where I stopped last month.. :P

Oh anyway perhaps a more important update on my life: I'm hoping to get into NUS Law! And if I don't I might go for UCL/LSE (not expecting any US schools...) but that is complicated because I'll need a scholarship and yadayada. I've always wanted to go overseas but sigh, now it's either that I'm jaded or that reality has hit me but NUS seems more appealing by the day. x_x

On a lighter note, I'm on a Big Bang roll these days. I don't intend to become a hardcore BB fan (cos I don't think I could ever reach the level I was for DBSK lololol) but damn, I've been grooving to BB all day lately... :s I mean, GD takes swag to a whole new level okay, marijuana or not. I'm always somewhat embarrassed to admit that I listen to Kpop because of the images of crazy fangirls who scream and run behind vans of idols, but Kpop is such nonsensical crazy fun. And everyone needs some nonsensical crazy fun in their lives, no? :)

Hope you're resting in peace Mum <3

Most of the time when I'm out of the house it feels like nothing has changed much. But back at home it does feel like the family has shrunk a lot, and there's a sense of emptiness and melancholia in the air. And a sort of solemn liberation, if that makes any sense at all. It's only at home that things do really feel different, and I can't quite explain in what way.

Life goes on...and there is really so much ahead of me that I don't know where to start. I'm just gonna take everything step by step.

Lol ok I usually do some end-of-year post to wrap things up but it's already 13 days into 2012 so I guess I won't be doing that anymore. WORLD, PLEASE DON'T END, I haven't enjoyed enough of life.

A lot yet very little has been happening recently. I really hope everything gets better soon. I can't say that it's been tough because honestly I haven't done much, and I know there are people out there who are worse off than me. And I'm not going to say "why did this happen to me" because it could happen to anybody. I guess things have also reached a point where we've resorted to pretty much everything but it didn't work, and then the only thing left to do is to pray. Heck, we even tried different religions. And still...don't see anything happening. I mean seriously okay this is why I don't think I'll ever have a religion. And it was really hard for me to try to have faith and stuff. Actually maybe my hesitation ruined everything. Really don't know. How can I be stubborn at times like these!!! I don't even think I can control myself. Gosh I am damn horrible. Damn damn damn horrible.

Anyway, pretty much nothing we can do now. People either say "it's gonna be alright" or "you must be prepared for the worst". It was scary at first, with all the words said and all the people visiting and all the tears shed. And then I'm stuck between "spend more time" and "life goes on". I feel terribly guilty because I feel like nowadays I'm leaning towards the latter, because the former usually doesn't work out too well considering how useless I am. Sometimes I look back on the past few years, think about all the time, money and effort spent and I feel really bad for my dad, but I must say that he is truly, truly admirable.

And all that had to happen during my uni apps too, so great, uni apps were really quite shitty. Couldn't do much in China, couldn't do much after coming back because of all the people coming to visit. I don't blame anyone for anything, definitely, but it was so freaking tiring. Had to resort to doing apps when people started sleeping. Worse still, I kind of regret my uni choices. Argh. Life sucked like SHIT at that time. Had to avoid facebook because I didn't want to start feeling envious in any way after looking at people's countdown party photos, christmas celebrations, holidays to Paris/London/USA/Korea/insertinterestingcountry etc. Because I really shouldn't be thinking about anything like that. It would be really selfish of me (and I really am that selfish at times).

So anyway, started my internship at SPRING! I started out quite bitter about the pay and stuff but honestly, I don't give a shit about the pay now. It's been pretty fun and though I haven't gotten many tasks yet but I think I'll be able to learn a lot these 3 months that will be worth so much more than money. So I'm glad I took this up :) Plus my fellow interns (mostly from RJ, with a few others) are really nice and it's been nice lunching together with them and working together and stuff because everyone has similar interests and attitudes towards our internship :)

But of course, this internship takes away pretty much 3 months of my time, and a lot of time from home as well, so I feel quite bad. Like I'm not really doing my part. So just have to cut down the number of times I go out with friends for fun and stuff; after all I don't want to cut myself off from the real world totally either. Argh. REALLY HATE THIS.

Shit man seriously.

Back from China, thank goodness... so glad to be back home.

I guess Christmas isn't going to be very merry this year :( wanna escape life dsfjfpaoijpoifjoafjlo